Spoiler: Coaching Isn’t Just About Moving Forward.
It’s easy to fall into the idea that coaching is all about movement: helping someone develop, set and work towards meaningful goals, make a plan, take action. And yes, coaching can absolutely support that. But the most important work often happens elsewhere. It lives in the murky middle: the stuckness, the tension, the not-knowing. The places where things aren’t neat or resolved or ready for action.
This is the point where coaching starts to ask more of us as Coaches. Not more doing, but as the ICF says: more being. More capacity to hold space without trying to fix it. More trust in the process. More ability to sit alongside a client in ambiguity.
That’s not always easy. Many clients will pull us — often without meaning to — into solution mode. They might push for clarity or for the feeling that something has been “achieved.” And we can get caught up in that too, wanting to help, wanting to feel useful, wanting to deliver.
Avoid the Trap of Pseudo-Coaching
But when we move too quickly, when we rush past discomfort or complexity, we can end up in what I call pseudo-coaching. It looks like coaching on the surface. We ask questions, reflect, set goals, but something is missing. Something feels slightly out of sync. We’re performing coaching rather than truly being in it.
The alternative is presence. Letting the space breathe. Staying with what’s unfolding, even when it’s slow or uncertain or challenging. And when we do this, we open the door to something deeper. A kind of challenge that doesn’t come from learning those ‘right’ questions, but from authenticity. The kind of question that doesn’t just land, it moves something.
Growing Your Edge as a Coach
I’ve come to see that the work that stretches me as a coach is often the one that holds the most value for the client too. This is something we can reflect on and practise, a muscle we can build over time.
So, I’ve put together some prompts for coaches who want to explore that edge. These aren’t questions to ask your client. They’re for you. You can use them in supervision, before or after a session, or just in quiet moments of reflection. They’re designed to help you notice your own discomfort, your instincts, and the moments where you might be holding back.
Reflection Prompts to Help You Stay with the Unknown
- What’s the moment I’m tempted to move past too quickly?
- What feeling in the room am I avoiding naming?
- What question do I keep circling around but haven’t asked yet?
- What part of the conversation feels alive, even if it’s awkward or uncertain?
- What’s the truth I sense, but I’m not sure how to bring?
- Where am I trying to tidy things up instead of staying present?
- What invitation would feel bold, but aligned, in this moment?
- What would I ask if I trusted myself just 10% more?
Staying Is a Skill… so it Needs Practice
These kinds of reflections aren’t about pushing ourselves to be provocative for the sake of it. They’re about noticing when we’re leaving the moment… and gently inviting ourselves to return.
So the next time you feel the pull to offer clarity or move the session along, pause for a second. Ask yourself: Can I stay in the unknown a little longer? That might be where the real shift begins.
